I guess I have to learn the hard way.
We only dated for two months, but I let myself go. I decided for the first time, I wasn’t going to be guarded, I wasn’t going to be careful, I was going to just let myself fall face first into love. And, predictably, I fell face first onto the pavement.
I thought I was listening to my intuition, but I see now that was not the case at all. The walls he built around himself were impenetrable, and I kept having doubts that I kept under the surface. Eventually those walls will come down, right? Give him time, I told myself. Most guys are afraid of commitment, right?
It’s funny how we delude ourselves in order to protect our precious egos and to avoid hurting other people. Rather then just recognizing when something’s not right and calling it out, we wait. I didn’t wait long this time though, I have to give myself credit on that one. I knew something was up, although I came up with all sorts of reasons why the distance just seemed to keep growing.
It’s hard to call someone out on not being that into you. Especially when you’re really into them.
I’m not sure what the lesson to draw from this is, I don’t want to say that it’s Be Careful. Because that is not something I want to learn, I already know all about being careful. I guess I need to take a step back to hone my listening skills and put myself back together.
Aw girl. Give it time. Trying to analyze the whys and whats and what ifs and whatnots so soon to the shattering of your dreams won’t do anything useful. Deep breaths. Come back to being the best you can be (because you’ve been making AWESOME progress in EVERY regard, with the important priorities you’ve set for yourself!) and trust that you’ll find what you want eventually. You deserve to be met by someone who is totally, hopelessly, fantastically into you. ((( hug )))
Reading about this stuff is hard… Namely because we’ve all been through it, are going through it, or will be soon enough;)
All I know is, I’ve retired the phrase, “Be careful” in my life. I’ve traded it for “Pay attention.” Because that’s how we learn… Wisdom, depth, and strength have never come from being careful in my experience. And it applies to any situation from being in the woods to biking to love:) It seems to me, Kristin, you were doing just that:) So pick yourself up, give yourself a kiss and a pat on the back, and come out dancing tomorrow night!
I always used to splurge on a nice soft, fuzzy some what expensive teddy bear to help me sleep for those wretched few nights following the dissolving of a relationship. It may sound stupid and corny, but it reeeeaaallly helped me!
wow, I can really relate. I’ve totally been there, and learned a lot from it. I like Tiffany’s idea to pay attention – that’s what I need to do, pay attention to the red flags. And that intuition is always right.
You’ll be fine.
thanks for these comments…really makes me feel better. mostly i just feel like a complete idiot right now for letting this happen to me.